Right now I just got out of school for nursing and I am planning to go back to be an RN. I have 2 kids and i’m engaged so I have help with the kids but my mom asked if my son can go live with her. She said she feels lonely cause me and my sisters are not around anymore and we are older. We don’t live that far from each other and she said I will still be his mom and get to see him and pick him up whenever I want. I know that being a RN is a full time commitment and I won’t have that much time for either of my children, but I feel like if he stays with her that it will make me a bad mother or that he will think I don’t care or him. My son is going to be 4 and is very attention needy and I know that my mom will take great care of him, but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do. I just want what’s best for him, I want him to be happy and I know that he adores his grandparents very much. Can anyone give me a little advice?
Not just no, but HECK no! I am also a mother of 2 and an RN.and you say that you are out of school now, which means that most any job you will get will be 3 12 hr shifts a week. Which leaves you 4 days off a week. Like everyone else said let your mom keep him-or better yet them because she does have 2 grandkids– the days you work, but when you are off and at home they should be with you. You should never have to “go get your kid and see them whenever you want” that implies there are times you dont want him. If you do this he gets sad his mommy doesnt love him or want him, but that you do want his sister.
Not to even mention that your daughter and her grandmothers relationship would be strained as well.
Anyway, bottom line you should raise your kids and have them as much as possible. I understand you need your moms help, and she can babysit the days you work until you or your hubby goes to get the kids, that is an awesome resource.. but no real mother just gives her kids to her mom.
Being a nurse is a great job to have plenty of time for your children. Probably the best, so dont use that excuse to make yourself feel better about it… it is doable, and a lot easier than a lot of working moms have it…
I think this would make your son feel like he is left out. LIke “why does my sister get to live at home and I don’t” Kind of thing. It’s totally up to you though. I just know as a mom myself, I couldn’t do it.
no you should raise your own children. you gave birth to them and not your mother and he is your responsibility. Now if you need a babysitter then your mother would be great, but not to raise your child
Your son is not a dog or a cat to give away…and then you mention that you would keep one of your children at home with you?? Frankly..this whole thing is disturbing.
No way. She can watch him as much as you need her to but there is absolutely no reason on this good earth that you should give your child to your mother.
I cant believe you are even considering this.
My mom abandoned me when I was 3. I have anger issues and don’t think I could ever forgive her. Giving your kid up is the easy way out. I think you should toughen up and be a mom!!!!!!!!
Not a good idea for a 4 year old. This will come back to bite you in the end.
If you had only one child, I might give you different advice. But since you have two, you need to be very sensitive to their needs and their feelings. I don’t think there is any way you could do this without creating negative feelings. Your son might wonder why he had to leave you but his sister could stay. Your daughter might get used to having you all to herself and become resentful of her brother when he is around. It will definitely create a rift. They already have enough separation because they have different fathers. Plus, children need their mothers.
I think the real problem is that your mom needs to get a life. There are many volunteer organizations that would love to have her time and energy. She could work with kids, volunteer at the library, the possibilities are endless. And she would also meet other people and expand her circle of friends. And maybe you could arrange regular times where she could take both her grandchildren for overnight visits. If two are too much for her, she could alternate between them.
I cant believe your even thinking about doing this. Im sorry im in school right now to become a RN, one of the main reasons is because I can work 3 12hr shifts and have the rest of the week of to be with my daughter. Tell your mom to get a pet if she’s lonely. Your son will think that you don’t love him anymore if you have your mother raise him.
Alot of ppl are saying that its wrong for you to even consider this.
I think you should talk to your son and see what he thinks of the idea. Kids are so honest and pure. They see the world and say what is on their minds. Just be open and honest. tell him your concerns. Just because he’s only 4 doesnt mean he doesnt understand. you’d be amazed at what children observe with their eyes.
you wont be a bad mother if you let him go live with your mom. Just let him decide. Or maybe just try it out on a short term basis. Tell him he can always come back to live with you if he wants to.
NO! You shouldn’t let your son live with your mom because she’s lonely and he wants attention. Especially because he doesn’t have the same dad as your daughter- he’ll grow up feeling like you gave him away so you could move on with your perfect little family without him! Let him spend some weekends with grandma or visit more often but please don’t just give him to her. He will think you don’t care about him.
You know that being an RN is a full time commitment, you don’t think being a mom is a full time commitment? not trying to be rude but that is YOUR son. If your mom needs someone to cure her loneliness get her a puppy not your son. Your kids need you, my kids are my #1 priority in my life. I am a full time professional and I go to school part time and I make time for my children. You need to prioritize.
heck no. if you are capable of raising him then why should your parents no matter how much he likes them. that is just nuts to me. my step-daughter loves me to death and cries when we drop her off with her mom but do you think her mom would just hand her over and say go live with your dad heck no we would have to fight her tooth and nail in court. i couldn’t even imagine sending my son to live with my mom because she was lonely. He is not a dog that gets passed around.
Absolutely not, if there is no reason to send him other than your mothers lonliness and his need for attention which FYI ALL kids have then why would you sedn him away. All that would do is show him that he is not part of your “new” family..especially with the fact that his real father is not in the picture, now you’re abandoning him too? Try to see this thru the eyes of a 4yr old. The reasons you give sound kind of selfish on both yours and your moms part. You ARE his mother and raising him is part of that job whether you are going thru stressful times etc…If you do this trust that you will have some big time issues with him once he’s older. If anything let him spend some time with grandma here and there to help take the load off, make it a fun get away but not you sending him away.
Dont let your mom raise him as in him living with her all that, but she can be a babysitter type grandma. I mean, When he needs some where to go, then have him go to grandmas and let hims stay with her some, but not all the time. Because once you do this you open alot of doors that are tricky to close and keep shut, and, if your sons father does want your son in the future he can use the excuse that, hey she doesnt have him, her mother does…. Just to let you know… and for him to actually be in her custody you have to sign over certain of your rights and i do believe the father has to agree to this…
This is hard. And I can see and understand where you are coming from and I think that there is an alternative, instead of raising him how about she watches him while you are working long days or while you are in school for long days? Not all the time that way he isn’t seperated from his sister or his father because although it isn’t his biological father I am going to assume in this that he is being raised as though your fiance is his father. That way your mom isn’t so lonely and your son gets the attention he needs, but so that you don’t feel as though you are a bad mother, and maybe sometimes, like for a day she could take both of your children? If your fiance has some running around to do and he needs a break. But please don’t feel bad you aren’t the only one, when I was 17, my brother was 6 my mom had to give us up to our grandparents but for different reasons, I turned 18 before the court papers went through but all the same she had to do it because she went to jail. I wouldn’t let your mom raise him but let her babysit him, my aunt and uncle are very busy and my aunts mother babysits her children 5 days a week for about 10 hours a day or more sometimes. try that out, see how it works
being a 45 year old mother and grandmother,i suggest you keep your son with you and his sister. he needs that daily relationship with his mother and sister and stepfather. I have a niece who did that and now her son and daughter resent each other and the son feels he doesn’t have to listen to his mother because he lives with his grandmother. i have a 4 year old grandaughter who spends a lot of time with me, but not her 20 month old brother. Ihave started making them take turns staying with me because i was seeing some resentment between them. grandparents have a special bond with their grandchildren, but shouldn’t be the main caretaker unless absolutely necessary. i hope evryhing works out for you and good luck with your nursing career.
No. You could have your mom be his nanny and be responsible for him during the week, but to turn him over to be raised by her is a bad idea. It’s slightly selfish on both sides. This is the most important time during your son’s young life, and those that are present now will be who’s important to him for the rest of his life.
Are you kidding me? Absolutely not!!!! If you didn’t want or can’t handle your kids, you shouldn’t have had them. Your mother already raised her kids, why would you want her to raise yours? Have your husband do it.
I think it’s great that you are furthering your career and it will benefit EVERYONE (including your son) to see you work so hard to achieve your goal.
There is no way in hell I would let anyone, my mother included, raise my kids. My kids, my responsibility!!!!
No! I think its kino of selfish b/c shes lonely!!! Im sure she loves him but shes the grandmother and your the parent. She needs to be the grandmother and you need to be the parent. Ive always thought it was the grandparents that spoil them and send them home. How will your daughter feel about this also? She may later think that her grandmother picked favorites with your son!! Shes raised her kids now its your turn to raise your own. Let her know that both of her grandchildren can come and visit her anytime and shes welcome to come and visit them as well but they are your children!! Dont split up your family!